22 Dec '11, 2pm
Border fence blocks bear migration: Damn bears were taking our jobs anyway.
Ever since America decided the best way to keep the teh-rur-ists and immigrants out was to build a fence along the southern border, environmentalists have worried about the impact of a gigantic, impenetrable fence on the local wildlife. And while we know that it's hard for most people to get their hackles up about the fate of the dune sagebrush lizard, we've got your charismatic fauna right here: adorable black bears . According to a new study, the bears near the Arizona border are actually Illegal Immigrants -- they’re more closely related to black bears in Mexico than to those living further north in the state. In the past they were wont to migrate back and forth over the border, but now they're stuck, and their population is dwindling. Maybe they will wander over to Texas and eat George W. Bush in retribution.